Relationships in New York City

Dating in New York is absolutely insane.

For one thing, meeting new people in itself presents a whole new challenge in the city. Most of us who live here are pretty habitual. We see the same people every day at work or school. We go to the same bar every weekend (thank you, Whitehorse Tavern).

On top of the challenges of meeting new people in the city, there is the fact that dating here is basically like being in a long distance relationship.

I was seeing this guy who lives in New Jersey. There was a time when one of us was commuting between Brooklyn and Jersey twice a week. (Whether it was me going there or him coming here.) We both spend all day on Manhattan for work but, door-to-door it is easily a two hour trip by train to each other’s apartments. This is equivalent to a drive between Boston, Massachusetts and New Haven, Connecticut. Even if we meet in the middle, we both travel at least an hour.

That is just crazy.

When I first moved to New York I was dating someone who lived in Colorado. You do the typical things to keep in touch when in a long distance relationship: texting, calling, video chat. Those are all the same things that keep people together here in the city. You call to see how their day is. You text when you want to share good news. You FaceTime to say goodnight.

Sometimes you get lucky and there is this strange gap in the day where you can spend two hours wandering around Manhattan together before the next big meeting or (for me personally) you’re called to the next rehearsal. But these are usually few and far between.

That guy from New Jersey and I would be as little as ten blocks away from each other at any given point during the day and we still won’t get a chance to see one another because our work schedules didn’t seem to align. And that is just how life is here in the city. People here (myself included) will do anything to make it with more than a few casualties along the way. You want that dream job? You better believe you’re going to bust ass to get it.

Convenience is not an option when it comes to relationships in the city. And this is actually what makes them great:

• When someone has to make an effort to see you, you know you are important to them.
• When you are willing to work and compromise to see someone else, you know that they are important to you.
• The act of traveling two plus hours on a regular basis to see someone shows commitment.
• When dating in the city you have to be intentional.

Moving to New York City was the best decision I have ever made. It has taught me to be consciously aware about my relationship choices including my friendships.

I know what I want and I’m going to get it.