Dear girl doing her makeup on the train…
You are so annoying.
If I was to rank you on an annoyance scale from 1 to pull-all-my-out-my-hair, you would make me bald.
Your morning commute is not the place to get yourself ready for the day. By the time you are out of your apartment and on the subway you should be ready. And if you’re not ready its one of those “screw it this is just how I look today” situations. Doing your makeup on the train completely ruins the illusion. We all see you.
Look, I get it. Appearances are important and stuff. You’re going to the office or going to meet friends or whatever it is you do with your life. But I mean really? You can’t wake up ten minutes earlier and just do it in your apartment? Where I don’t have to watch you do it? It is weird. And I can’t stop looking at you. And I don’t like that. Please, for God’s sake, just stop.
I’m seriously concerned about your life choices.
If you were sitting by yourself and not disturbing anyone, I might be able to forgive you. But you’re not. You’re doing it standing up. On a crowded train. Who the hell do you think you are?
At least hold on to something! I may still consider forgiving you if you weren’t falling into me every five seconds. Also, what is that you are putting on your face? It is glittery and nasty and now all over my white pea coat. I will almost guarantee that making yourself shinier will not attract a mate.
I take that back. It might. This is New York City. God knows what people are into.
Why can’t you just get ready at home like a normal human-being? Why can’t you just have some respect for the other people on the train? Seriously, there is a protocol to this train-riding thing. Just keep to yourself and try to avoid being in people’s way as much as possible.
I just want to get to work in peace without getting covered with a layer of pixie dust. Is that so much to ask for?
Who taught you that this is okay? I need to have words with them. Words like, “You are the worst thing that has ever happened to this planet.” Or, you know, something similar.
Your shoes are cute.
Best,
Kacey
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